Flying without wings
A smile appears on Anna’s face when I ask her about last night.
“It was great, that’s all I can say about it.”
I’m not satisfied with that answer. “Come on tell me more about it!”
Her eyes start to twinkle. “It was just so romantic, candles everywhere, red wine and red roses, it was like a movie.” I’m glad Anna finally found herself a boyfriend, she has been betrayed in the past and she deserves a sweet boy.
I smile at her. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
She stands next to me and looks at me in the mirror.
“So tell me.” she says when she lays her hand on my waist “when will you go on an adventure again?”
I slowly turn around. “Been there, done that, got a T-shirt and donated it to charity.” I answer. “I don’t need a boy, I’m happy being single.”
Anna adds some extra mascara to her eyelashes and pokes me. “I wasn’t talking about a relationship you moron, I clearly said adventure, didn’t I.”
Anna haven’t changed a bit, she’s been pushing me for years. Sometimes I think she likes watching me when I’m with a boy. The thought of that kind of scares me, so get my bag looking for some lip-gloss.
“Want to go back in? I’m thirsty.” Anna grabs my hand and walks to the door. I follow her back into the club. She walks straight to the bar and orders two drinks. I stand next to her and look around. The club is pretty full, like always. I know most people, but like every Saturday, there are also some new faces. On the middle of the dance floor there is a group of boys I’ve never seen before. One of them catches my eye immediately. He is taller then all the people around him. He wears a uniform and his long colored hair is tied back in a ponytail. Several piercings decorate his face. I slightly touch Anna’s shoulder. She turns around and hands me a drink.
“Anna, do you see that boy?” She looks over her shoulder.
“Yeah I see him, what about him?”
I just smile at her, sometimes a smile can say more than thousand words.
Anna pulls my arm. “He is so hot, you should definitely go and speak to him!”
I turn back and face the bar again. “What am I supposed to say? Why would he even want to talk to me?” I turn my eyes to the ground. I hate it to feel so insure. But I’m not the kind of girl that just goes to someone and say hello.
Anna stands in front of me. “You like him don’t you?” she asks.
“I don’t just like him, I adore him, and he’s one of the prettiest boys I have ever seen.” I look Anna straightly in her eyes.
“Then go for it. Tell me, honestly, what was the last time you had some?” I look at her and push her away.
“Come on, I’m not into one night stands you know that.” Anna still looks at me. She’s having a hard time covering her smile. “Okay.” I take a deep breath. “It was back in 2007, satisfied yet?” She starts to laugh.
“It’s even worse than I thought it would be, it’s almost October already, what are you doing to yourself?” She pets me.
“I’m just a little picky, that’s not my fault is it?”
I know Anna is right, it’s way to long ago. Being single doesn’t mean that you can’t have a little fun, does it?
“Boys are great.” Anna continues. “Every girl should own one!” She takes my hand and pulls me to the dance floor. “Show him what you got.” She starts to dance. “You’re still a super hot female, you don’t want to be thirty and regret that you never did something with your youth, right?”
I smile, she is right. I should get back to living again. I start to dance to the music. After a few songs I accidentally touch this boys arm. I pull my arm back and blush.
“Sorry” I whisper. His bright eyes pierce through me. I have no idea what he is thinking. Is he mad at me? It was just an accident. Then a smile appears.
“Don’t worry, those things happen.” I love the sound of his voice. “I love your outfit, turn around.” He commands me. I blush again and turn around. A small ‘Thank you’ is all I can say. I look at Anna for some help. She waves me on.
“Would you like a drink?” he asks. I haven’t finished my first one, so I give it to Anna without him noticing it.
I nod. “Yes, I would love to.” He walks away and I follow him to the bar. He orders an Absinthe. “So what can I order for you?” He sure has a beautiful smile. The look in his eyes is stunning.
“The same” I answer.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He says. I’m confused, what does he mean?
“Why not?” I ask.
“Cause you might regret it later, trust me.” He gives me a wink.
“You mean like when I’m old and grey? I’m not scared of getting sick. I live now.”
A strange smile appears on his face. “No not later.” He says “Tonight.”
I still haven’t got a clue what he means by saying that. But I guess sometimes it’s better to don’t know everything. I like him very much and I don’t want to offend him. So I accept the water he offers me with a smile.
“I’ll be outside for a few seconds, okay?” He asks me. “I’ll be right back, so don’t go away.” He gives me a hug and walks away. Anna runs towards me.
“Where is he going and what did he say?” She is even more curious than I am.
“Just outside making a phone call or something, I don’t know. But he’ll be back soon.”
“Ok, so what did he say?” Anna repeats.
“Nothing special.” I say “He just ordered me a drink and said that I shouldn’t drink alcohol.”
I look at the door to see if he’s coming back.
Then suddenly someone grabs my arm and pulls it. I look in the eyes of a girl. Her light blonde hair tangles and her make-up make it clear that she have cried recently. She looks almost violent.
“Whatever you do.” She starts. “Don’t go home with that boy.” Her voice sounds kind of strange, almost desperate. I’m overwhelmed by her action and I have no idea what to say.
“You must be the jealous ex-girlfriend.” Anna says to her.
“No I’m not.” She sniffs “I’m just here to warn your friend, I don’t want her to end up like the others.”
“You have to come up with something better.” Anna yells.
“Please I’m begging you, you can’t trust him.” She still holds my arm.
At that moment I feel a fierce hand on my shoulder. One of my date’s friends stands behind me.
“Is someone bothering you girls?” He smiles at Anna and me.
“Hell yeah.” Anna is still mad. “This girl just warned us for your friend, ridiculous huh?”
He grabs the girl without asking anything and pushes her towards the door. He looks really mad. I wonder if she has done things like that before. Is she really his ex-girlfriend who causes him so much trouble? I wish that Anna would have given me a chance to talk to her. But now it’s too late anyway, she’s gone.
Anna lays an arm around my shoulder. “Are you alright?” she asks. “What a bitch, I hate those people.”
“I’m okay, don’t worry.” I answer. “Just a little confused.”
“You shouldn’t be.” Anna says. “I’m here for you, nothing will happen.”
I just finished my water when my date reenters the room.
“Sorry it took so long.” He apologizes. “I needed to take care of some things.”
“No problem.” I say. I’m wondering if I should ask him about this girl. I guess it’s probably better when I won’t, I don’t want to offend him.
He orders two red wines and puts them on the bar. Anna pinches my shoulder and walks away. The friend who saved me from this ex-girlfriend walks to us and whispers something in his ear. I wish I could understand it, but he doesn’t speak loud enough. My date just nods and then looks at me. His friend walks away and accidentally pushes the two glasses of wine towards me. I try to step back, but I’m too late. My outfit is all covered in red wine.
Just great! Now how am I supposed to make our date a success? I can’t go to the toilet to remove it. I won’t be able to remove all of the stains, especially not cause I’m wearing a white outfit. Red wine makes horrible stains.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” His friend covers his mouth with his hand. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, those things happen.” I’m disappointed, but accidents do happen.
“I live around the corner.” My date says. “You can remove the stains there.”
“I don’t know.” I answer. “I probably won’t be able to remove them anyway.”
“You don’t know unless you try.” He smiles. “And it would be a pity to say goodbye to you already.” He lays his arm around my waist and pushes me towards the door.
“I’ll see if I can find my friend. She can help me remove them.” I walk to the dance floor to find Anna. I check the toilets, second bar and the second floor, but she is nowhere to be seen.
My date is still walking patiently behind me.
“I don’t understand it.” I say. “Anna would never leave without me.”
“Weird.” He plays with his hair. “Come on, we go to my place, we’ll be back before you know it.”
I take a deep breath and decide that this probably is the best option. He holds my hand and we walk to the exit. I look one more time over my shoulder. But Anna still hasn’t appeared. We cross a few streets before we arrive at his place. He searches for his key and opens the door. The hallway is big and dirty.
“I’m sorry it’s so messy here.” He apologizes. “I don’t really live here you see, a few friends live in this building and I just sleep here this weekend.”
I take a look around. The building looks pretty old and I wouldn’t expect someone to live here. At the end of the hallway he stops and opens a door. I enter the room. It’s a lot bigger as I thought it would be. The walls are dirty and covered with graffiti. There aren’t any windows. An old Bed, a table, some chairs and a dirty mirror are the only furniture in this room. I’m glad it’s still pretty warm outside, because I don’t think there is a possibility to heat this room.
“This reminds me of the silent hill movie, you know.” I say. He laughs.
“You have a big imagination my dear.” He walks back to the door and closes it. “That’s what I like about you.” I blush again.
“Thanks.” I still can’t think of something better to say.
“I find you very attractive.” He touches my neck.
“The same goes for you.” I say and I lay my arms around him.
“So tell me, what’s your name?” he ignores my question.
His lips come close to mine. I can feel his breath on my cheek. He starts to kiss me. Carefully and softly, but that’s just the beginning. I enjoy his hands around my neck. And I don’t mind his hands getting lower. He takes my top of and there I stand, in a dirty house with a complete stranger wearing nothing more than a skirt and a bra. He touches my breasts. I still enjoy it, but there’s a little voice telling me to stop this madness. I don’t want to have a one night stand with a complete stranger. What am I doing? I still don’t even know his name. I push him away.
“What’s the matter darling?” he tries to kiss me again.
“I thought we were here to clean my clothes.” I whisper.
“We are sugar, we are.” Before I know it he pulls my skirt down. “But then you first have to pull them off.”
“Okay.” I answer. “So where can I clean them?”
“Take a guess.” He says with a strange smile on his face. I walk to the door. But it won’t open. The next moment I realize he locked me up. He never wanted me to clean my clothes. Maybe his friend even spoiled those drinks on purpose. Why would he order red wine when he doesn’t want me to drink alcohol? Where is Anna when you need her? Why did I even leave the club without telling her? Did his friend take Anna somewhere I couldn’t find her?
In my head I hear the words of his ex-girlfriend. What did she say again? ‘Whatever you do, don’t go to his house.’ And that was exactly what I just did. I need to stay calm. Maybe he just wants to play a little game and let me go when I make it clear that I just want to go home.
“What’s the matter sweety?” He grins. “Why don’t you open the door?”
“Cause I can’t.” I try my very best not to panic. “Can you please give me the key?”
“Hmm, let me sleep on that.” He takes my clothes and puts them under his bed.
“What are you doing?” My voice trembles “please, let me go.”
“I will.” He answers “But not before I’m ready with you.”
He grabs my arm and pushes me towards the bed. I try to stop him but I’m not strong enough. He throws me on his bed. I land on my back and look him straightly into his eyes. He looks so relaxed, like he does these kind of things weekly. Maybe he does. Maybe this girl wasn’t his ex-girlfriend, but one of his victims. Why didn’t I listen to her? I used to be so careful.
He sits on my chest and tries to kiss me again. I turn my head but he keeps trying. He roughly touches my breasts and starts to scratch me.
“Please, I’m begging you to stop.” I whisper. He hits me in my face.
“Shut up slut, you will do exactly what you’re told.” He hits me again, even harder this time “Did I make myself clear?” I just nod. There is no way out. He’s not planning on letting me go. What can do? I’ve never been so scared in my life. I don’t want to be hurt again. He continues kissing me. His hands go lower every second, touching me everywhere. I’m sure he’s going to **** me when I don’t do something about it quickly. I count to three and then I scratch his face as hard as I can. My nails go deep into his skin. He’s surprised for a moment and I start to kick him. He grabs me and throws me on the ground.
“So you are looking for intense pain, aren’t you?” He yells at me. I can see the blood on his face. I made him furious. I already regret my action.
“Don’t worry girl, I’ll make you suffer and make you bleed.” He walks to me and grabs my shoulders. “And know what? I think you’ll even like it!”
I scream when he pulls me up. No more mister nice guy, he completely lost his mind. He lifts me up and throws me on the table. He gets a rope and start to tie me down. I try to stop him but he hits me with the rope. It hurts. He’s way too strong for me, there is nothing I can do but wait for him to let me go. He ties my wrists to one end to the table and my feet to the other end of the table. It’s not pretty comfortable lying on my belly tied down to a table, but there is nothing I can do. And like that isn’t enough he blindfolds me.
“Please, I’m asking you one more time, let me go.” I beg him.
“You should have though about that before you scratched me bitch.” He’s still mad at me.
“I’m sorry okay, I’ll do anything to make it right, but please untie me.” I say.
His face comes close to mine, I can feel his breath. He roughly puts his fingers in my mouth, I taste his blood. “This is blood from my face, I wonder how it got there!” He pulls my hair and I scream. “And I’m going to do the same to you.”
I feel a strange object against my back. I have no clue what it is. I can feel him using it all over my back. It doesn’t hurt a bit. I start to relax a bit more. It’s a big relief that he doesn’t hurt me like he said he would. After about fifteen minutes he suddenly stops. I hold my breath. What is he going to do next? He removes my blindfold. It takes sometime before my eyes adjust to the dim light. He smiles and kisses me on my mouth. He also removes the ropes and helps me get up. I sit on the table rubbing my hands, I can hardly feel them anymore. He gets one of the chairs and puts it in front of the mirror.
“Come over here honey.” His voice sounds different, almost kind. “Sit down here.”
I just sit on the table, still rubbing my hands.
“I’m not asking you again, come over here bitch!” He starts to yell again. I start to panic and jump down the table. I run to the door and start pulling it as hard as I can. The door won’t move. I’m so scared. I have to get out. I start to scream as loud as I can. He runs towards me and roughly grabs my waist.
“There’s no point in screaming, no one will hear you.” He squeezes me so hard that I can hardly breathe. “Now sit down on the fucking chair.”
He pushes me down with my belly against the back of the chair. He starts tying me down again. I try to hit and kick him wherever I can, but there seem no point in doing that because he’s a lot stronger than I am. When he’s done tying me down, he smiles and moves the chair.
“Sweety, look over your shoulder.” I don’t want to, I’m scared. Why would he want me to look over my shoulder?
“Do it!” he commands me.
I slowly turn my head. I can see myself in the mirror. On my back he has drowned two wings.
“I don’t understand it.” I say. “Why did you do that?”
He grins and gets himself something from under the bed. He walks back to me and shows me. I’m shocked when I see the scalpel.
“What are you going to do with that?” I panic again.
“What kind of question is that?” he laughs. “I’m going to cut you.”
He turns the chair a quarter turn so I can see my left side.
“This will makes it easier for you seeing me cutting your back.”
I know there is no point in begging, but I have to keep trying.
“Please, please, please, I’m scared. I thought we were friends.”
“We are sweety, now sit still, you don’t want a shitty cut job, do you?”
I want to answer but I feel the scalpel going through my skin for the first time. It’s like thousand needles are piercing through my back. I can only scream. Scream because of the pain, scream because of the frustration and scream because I’ve never been so scared in my life before. He’s still cutting my back. I can feel him going from my neck all the way down to my lower back. The pain drives me crazy. I start pulling the ropes, but they are too tight. I’m not sure if I want to see this but I look over my left shoulder. I can now see him cutting me. Some blood drops down from my back. I can’t stand the satisfied look on his face. I’m in pain and the freaking bastard feels aroused. He looks at me in the mirror and shows me his hands which are covered in blood. I feel sick. This just can’t be happening, I want to wake up! Every second I feel his scalpel cutting my skin. No pauses, no mercy. After some hours, or probably just one, he stops. I feel relieved for the second. But the feeling disappears quickly because the pain doesn’t go away.
“I’m finished.” He says. I realize it’s over.
“With the first wing.” He continues.
I stop breathing, this can’t be happening. I can’t be just half way through, I can’t stand anymore pain. He gets his scalpel again and starts cutting the other side of my back. I feel lightheaded and I’m sure I’ll faint soon. I can only hope so. If it’s possible to bleed to death, this would be a great moment. But I won’t faint and won’t die either. That’s the reason I wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol, he didn’t want me to bleed to death! He already planned on cutting me. All of this was part of his plan, I feel awful. I would give my life to escape!
But I can only sit there and be in pain. When I look over my shoulder I see him tasting my blood. I can feel his tongue on my back. I feel sick. I can feel him kissing my neck. He touches my back and breasts. When I look down I see that my breasts are also covered in blood from his hands. There is so much blood and he won’t stop cutting. As soon as he gets to my lower back he goes up to my shoulder again. I don’t want this anymore. It’s like he goes deeper all the time.
After another horrible hour of cutting he puts the scalpel finally away. With his hands still covered in my blood he unties me and helps me up. I can hardly stand because of the pain. He pushes me towards the mirror and turns me around. On my back you can see to wings covered in blood.
The scratches look deep. I’m in shock.
“Oh my God.” This is my worse nightmare. “This will leave some nasty scars.”
“That’s the whole point of cutting.” He thinks it’s quite funny.
“Why did you do this to me?” I feel tears burning in my eyes.
“Because I don’t want you to forget this night and it fits you so well.” He gently rubs my cheeks. “You’re free to go now.”
“So what if I go to the police, you will get in jail for that!” me and my big mouth, I said it before thinking about the consequences. But he just smiles.
“I’ll be gone by tomorrow, no-one will ever track me down.”
“I still don’t understand why you did this.” A tear rolls down from my eyes.
“I planned on being nice to you, but since you scratched me I had to punish you.” He wipes away my tears. “But now it’s okay, you’ve paid the ultimate price already.”
“A few scars you mean?” I try my best to get my voice under control again. I feel anger for the first time. He just laughs.
“Every time that you see these wings you will think about me.” He touches my scars. “There’s no escape they will be here forever.” He is right, I never thought about that. But he is fucking right! I have to bear these scars forever. He walks to the bed and gives me my clothes back.
“Next chamber on the left there is a shower, you can wash yourself there.”
I take my clothes and walk to the door. He opens the door using his key and let me get away.
I’ll never forget his last words. “Your wings already made sure you won’t forget me, but since you were so curious about my name… They call me Angel”