The next day at work, both Ethan and Gabriel had secret smiles on their faces through the day. It was a quiet sort of happiness that pervaded the office replacing the anxiety Ethan’s foul mood of last week had wrought. They didn’t spend more time together than any other day but when they did there was a definite electricity between them. They both kept it professional and friendly to keep it discrete rather than have the entire office talking about them at the water cooler. Gabriel left for his noon ritual of grabbing lunch and working at the church and had just stepped out of the office when Ethan came running up behind him.
“Hey, heading down to St. Andrews?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah, I was going to grab lunch first.” Gabe said, feeling a spike of joy through his chest with Ethan’s presence.
“Mind if I tag along?” Ethan asked, smiling.
“Not at all.” Gabe said, grinning back.
They took Ethan’s truck and stopped at a little deli to grab and split a roast beef sub with swiss and horseradish. They arrived at the soup kitchen and served lunch to quite a few people but obviously less than usual. Gabe and Ethan went to ask Pastor Jack of the absence of so many people. He was watching the t.v. that was in the corner of the hall.
“Pastor Jack, where is everybody?” Ethan asked. “There should be a lot more people here.”
“Isn’t wonderful? A new factory just opened up downtown and the owner stopped in the other day asking anyone who was interested if they’d like to apply. He hired about fifty or sixty people that used to come in. We’ve only some of the homeless and the mentally unstable left. I think we can manage those numbers.”
“That is wonderful.” Gabe agreed. “Why did he come here looking for workers?”
“Oh, he said someone suggested that he might look here for people who needed jobs. Thank God, he did.”
“Yeah,” Gabe said, thinking of what Ethan had once said about coincidences. “Thank God.”
Pastor Jack had looked back to the television which was showing a news report. The sound was down but the video showed pictures of a small city that seemed in ruins.
“What happened?” Ethan asked.
“An earthquake in Madagascar. It was seven point three and devastated most of the buildings there. I sometimes wish I was young again and could do more missionary work. Those poor people. God be with them.”
Gabe thought of the man who called himself God and how he had mentioned Madagascar not too long ago. They finished off the lunch hour, returned to work and finished off the day. Ethan offered Gabe a ride home and they picked up some food for dinner planning on watching more cheesy movies. Gabe was quiet as they ate thinking of what he had seen on the television earlier.
“What’s on your mind?” Ethan asked.
“Huh? Oh, I was thinking about the earthquake in Madagascar.”
“Yeah. I donated a little to the relief aid. Sometimes I agree with Pastor Jack. How cool would it be to just get out there and help people in the middle of the worst time in their life?”
“It would be cool.” Gabe agreed. “I’m not too used to thinking about other people’s problems. I got in a bad habit and only thought about my own for a while.”
“It happens, Gabe. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“I should, though. Or at least I should start putting myself out there and seeing what I can do. You know?”
“You’re doing fine, kiddo.” Ethan smiled. “You’re helping out at the church and doing the books for them now. Start off small and see what you can handle. We’re not the only two people in the world who needs to realize that we can make a difference by helping.”
“No, we’re not.” Gabe smiled into Ethan’s blue eyes. He was a truly compassionate man, beautiful on the in and the outside.
“You mind if I take a few minutes? I’d like to go for a walk.” Gabe asked.
“Oh. Ok. You want me to leave?”
“No. Definitely not. I’d just like to go… somewhere.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I’d like to go talk to God.”
Ethan gave Gabe a funny look and then nodded. “Ok. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Gabe smiled and headed off to the park bench. He didn’t have to wait long.
“You’re back.” God said, matter-of-factly.
“Yeah. Tell me about Madagascar.”
“Madagascar is a small island country which was once a part of the mainlands of African and India during the-.”
“The earthquake.” Gabe interrupted.
“What about it?”
“You knew about it.”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“It’s sort of like those movies where there’s a piano being lifted to the top of a building by a small, thin rope and it’s fraying. The people underneath are completely unaware of the impending disaster. I’m not.”
“That’s not an answer.” Gabe said.
“I’m not answerable to you.” God sighed. “Every little thing that happens in the world, from a mosquito’s decision to fly left instead of right, to an earthquake in Madagascar cannot be changed. There’s a natural progression that must be followed. All I can do is be there to help pick up the pieces.”
“I don’t bursa escort understand it. How a God could let something like that happen. So many people dead, so many lives destroyed.”
“People die all the time. Why is it more horrible if many die at once than many over a space of time? Why is it more horrible that many die than just one, for that matter? Is the one not just as precious as each of the many?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“That exactly what you’re saying. You’re saying that Madagascar’s earthquake which killed 48,492 people is more important that the death of Tilly Waterman.”
“Who’s Tilly Waterman?” Gabe asked, and frowned as the name sounded familiar.
“A little old woman who lived three doors down from your aunt. They used to play bridge on Thursdays.”
“I know her. She used to wear the little blue hat with the dirty fake flowers in it.” Gabe said, regretting her death and the fact that he had not know.
“Yes. She had a stroke last week and died the other night.”
“I’m sorry.” Gabe said.
“It’s admirable to honor the dead, reliving their memories but who are you sorry for? Her? Don’t be. Her souls is at rest.”
“What does that mean to be at rest?” Gabe asked.
“Being at rest means having no suffering, no pain, no want or desire, no questions or unsatisfactory answers. It means being infused with truth, filled with wisdom and brimming with love. It’s just easier to say that Tilly Waterman is `at rest’.” God let Gabe take his words in. “But why are you here asking me all these hard questions when you don’t believe I’m God? Isn’t that like asking a blind man what the color blue looks like?”
Gabe didn’t answer.
“Here’s another question. Why are you here when you have a fine, young man back at your apartment waiting for you?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to know how you knew about Madagascar.” Gabe answered.
“That could have waited for another more appropriate time. Isn’t it time, Gabe, that you start paying attention to how your feeling and figuring out what your own motives are? You might try being honest with yourself.”
“Honest about what?”
“Why you’re here wasting time asking a crazy old man who thinks he’s God why the world turns when you could be back at home with Ethan. It’s a fair question, don’t you think? I mean, I applaud your steps toward enlightenment but I think you still have a little learning left to do in the mundane world.”
“He scares me.” Gabe answered honestly.
“Yes, I know.”
“He’s wonderful. I really like him a lot and he hasn’t even told anyone that he’s gay. What kind of relationship can we have when he’s not ready to be honest with people? How can I fall in love with someone I can’t even tell anyone about?”
“How can you love someone who you can’t rely on to be there for you?” God added.
“Yeah.”
“These are much more appropriate questions.” God sighed and stared at the stars for a moment before Gabe realized he wasn’t going to answer.
“Well?”
“Oh, no son. These are your questions and they’ll only be answered by your heart.”
“That’s such a cop out.” Gabe scoffed.
“Is it? You’ve loved and lost. That’s never easy. The human heart has an incredible capacity for love but also feels so much pain when it’s lost. It heals and things that do never heals the same way. Some are more fragile, some are stronger for it. Love is a risk. Perhaps you can be there for Ethan now and help him find his way. Let him see your love and learn from it. While you’re helping him it might just be that he helps you too.”
God stood.
“But go home, Gabriel. Stop running away from things and stand and be yourself. You’re an amazing person and I love you. But go home.” God walked away.
Gabe opened his apartment door and found Ethan asleep on the couch watching MST3K. He looked so cute with his head against the arm rest and an afghan Gabe’s aunt had knitted pulled over him. He stared into Ethan’s sleeping face wondering if he would have the strength to open his heart to this man.
“Ethan.” Gabe whispered, hesitant to wake him up. Ethan jerked and opened his eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“That’s all right. My fault. I was out for a while.”
“You have a good conversation with God?”
“Um… yeah. It was… interesting as usual.” Gabe said taking a seat next to Ethan on the couch.
“Did he mention me?”
“Actually, yeah he did.”
“He did?” Ethan smiled. “What did he say?”
“He said that you were a `fine young man’ and I should be here with you instead of asking him questions.”
“How did he know I was here?”
“I don’t know. He knows stuff. He probably saw your truck outside. I don’t know.” Gabe said shaking his head.
“That’s creepy.” Ethan said. “Unless he’s God, then it’s all right. But if he’s just some old guy watching us…. yeah, that’s just creepy.”
“Yeah.” Gabe agreed.
“So you don’t really think this guy is God, do you?” Gabe didn’t answer for a minute. “Gabe?”
“No. No, I don’t. It’s bursa escort bayan just, I can’t figure out how he seems to know some things. Besides, I thought you were all for it. In the soup kitchen you were telling me how God could come and talk to someone just cause he wanted to. Now you seem like you don’t believe him.”
“I guess I believe it’s possible but have to admit that I think it’s highly unlikely.”
“Yeah. I guess that’s how I feel too.” Gabe said and felt a little disappointed that he had finally decided that man in the park was not God but simply a crazy old guy.
“Hey,” Ethan said and lifted Gabe’s chin. “If he is God coming down to talk to someone I think he picked a great person.”
Gabe smiled. “You really think so?”
“I do.” Ethan said, smiling back and kissed Gabe’s lips.
Gabe wrapped his arms around Ethan and pulled him on top of him as he fell back against the couch. He grabbed Ethan’s shirt and pulled it up over his head, who returned the favor and removed the one Gabe was wearing. They started on each other’s pants and were soon naked on top of each other, kissing and pressing their bodies as close together as possible. Gabe’s eyes drifted closed as he felt Ethan move on top of him, lowering himself to take Gabe’s cock tentatively in his mouth.
“Ethan.” Gabe sighed.
The feeling of his lover’s mouth on his cock had Gabe melting and running his hands through Ethan’s hair as he was sucked and brought to the edge over and over again. It was a spectacular kind of torture where one was left hoping that it would end and praying that it never would. Gabe pulled Ethan up to him and took his mouth with his as he laid Ethan down on his back and took the top.
Gabe smiled at Ethan and made his way to his crotch to give him the beautiful pleasure that he had experienced. Gabe played and sucked, nipped and licked, blew and cupped till Ethan was begging to be inside him.
“You wanna be inside me, huh?” Gabe asked, seductively. “Well come and get it.” He said and ran into the bedroom. Ethan jumped up and followed quickly, his erect penis swinging and slapping as he ran. He jumped on the bed and pulled Gabe underneath him.
“You’re going to let me, baby?” Ethan asked, smiling.
“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.” Gabe teased, though they both knew it would happen.
“You want me to beg?”
“You’ve already done that.” Gabe said, feeling powerful and sexy and wanted.
“Yeah, I have. Now it’s your turn to beg.” Ethan said, sucked on a finger and lowered his hand to find Gabe’s ass. He slipped the finger inside and slowly moved it in and out. Gabe’s eye lids lowered as he felt Ethan get him ready. Another finger slipped in and Gabe felt himself widen as he spread his legs further apart. Yet another finger was slid inside and Gabe moaned.
“That’s it, baby. What do you want?” Ethan whispered.
“I want you.” Gabe answered.
“What do you want me to do to you?” Ethan asked.
“I want you to fuck me.” Gabe moaned.
“Soon, baby. Shhh, just feel it.” Ethan continued until Gabe was thrashing, moaning and begging for his cock.
“Please, Ethan. Now!”
“All right, baby. I’ll give it to you.”
Ethan grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside night stand and got himself ready. He put the head of his dick against Gabe and pushed and withdrew as he stared into Gabe’s eyes. Gabe lifted his legs and wrapped them around Ethan’s hips. One squeeze had Ethan’s cock fully imbedded in Gabe’s ass. They both cried out, Ethan in pleasure, Gabe in pleasure mixed with a bit of pain. They kissed as they waited for Gabe’s muscles to relax.
“You’re so tight.” Ethan said and Gabe chuckled.
“You’re so big.” Gabe said and Ethan smiled.
“Do you mind?”
“No. Not at all. I love the feeling of you inside me.”
“Are you ready?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah.” Gabe smiled and Ethan started moving.
The two moved together and separated, returned and pulled apart all the while joined in giving the other pleasure. Ethan rested his forehead on Gabe’s as he thrusted into him and pulled out. Their breathing came ragged and their muscles strained as they met and released. Gabe felt Ethan’s fullness within him and his strength over him. He smiled as he stared at his lovers face, sweating with eyes closed in concentration. Ethan opened his eyes and looked down at Gabe to smile back. Gabe thought about asking Ethan to go faster and just as he thought it, Ethan sped up his pace.
“Like that, babe?” Ethan asked as if Gabe had spoken.
“Oh yeah, that’s good.” He said and felt the need to have Ethan deeper. He lifted his legs higher on Ethan’s body.
“God, that feels so good.” Ethan said and pumped faster still. “You feel so good.”
Gabe raised his ass off the bed to meet Ethan’s thrusts and was rewarded with heartfelt moans of pleasure and appreciation. Ethan wrapped his arms around Gabe’s body and grabbed his shoulders with his hands. Gabe felt Ethan pull his body into him with every muscle in his body as he slammed his cock into Gabe’s ass. escort bursa
“I’m going to cum, baby.” Ethan whispered in Gabe’s ear.
“Me too, Ethan.” Gabe answered.
Ethan groaned as he pounded Gabe into the bed in search of their release. Gabe let his head drop back and closed his eyes shut as he took Ethan’s body. The first waves built up and rushed out in each of their bodies, changing into spasms which shook them both. Ethan yelled out as Gabe clenched and moaned only to fall onto the bed, spent and drained. They both caught their breath and felt their muscles screaming from their exertion only to be dulled by the sublime feeling of afterglow.
“That was amazing.” Gabe said, when he was able to speak.
“Yeah.” Ethan said, eyes closed and grinning. “Next time you speak to God thank him for sex, will you?”
“Sure.” Gabe chuckled. “I guess I’ll have to thank him for making you so good at it too.”
“Oh yeah?” One of Ethan’s eyes opened lazily. “You think I’m good?”
“Definitely.” Gabe said.
“You’re pretty awesome yourself, baby.” Ethan said and pulled Gabe close for long, slow kiss.
“Can you stay tonight?” Gabe found himself asking.
“Yeah. I was hoping to.”
“Good.”
The next day Ethan left early to go home and change before work and Gabe had breakfast before leaving for the office himself. He was at work for a few hours before Ethan showed up and noticed that he was frowning and didn’t even look into his office as he passed. He felt concerned but didn’t want to crowd Ethan and thought he’d bring it up later in the day. Noon came quickly, Gabe thought, when you were happy and feeling well loved from the night before. He closed up his computer and was about to head out to the soup kitchen when Ethan stopped in.
“Heading out?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah. I was going to go get some lunch and probably go down to St. James’ after.”
“They don’t need anyone today, I checked. I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch with me?” Ethan asked and Gabe could tell there was something on his mind.
“Sure.”
They jumped in the truck and made their way down to the deli that had become their default lunch stop. Gabe ordered a tuna sandwich but Ethan just got himself a coffee and a hard roll. They ate in the truck and after a few failed attempts to get Ethan into a conversation he gave up. After they ate, Gabe turned to Ethan.
“All right. What is it?”
“What do you mean?” Ethan asked.
“What’s going on? You haven’t talked since we left the office and you were frowning since you got there today.”
“My father and I had a talk this morning.”
“Was it about the investments? I’ve got some really good ideas that I think will make-.”
“No, it wasn’t about the investments. It was about my future.”
“Oh?”
“He wants to see me married.”
“Married?” Gabe asked. “As in…. married?”
“Yeah. He and my mother have asked some of their friends for suitable matches and I have a date tomorrow night.”
“That’s ridiculous. No one does that anymore.” Gabe said. “That’s like an arranged marriage.”
“Yeah, well, my parents are pretty much insisting.”
“Have you thought about telling them that-.”
“I can’t do that! I can’t tell them I’m gay. I thought maybe I could but now I know I can’t. You should have seen them sitting there talking about my wedding like it was a done deal.”
“Ethan, you have to tell them. At some point you have to tell them the truth.”
“I don’t even know what the truth is, Gabe. I like spending time with you but it’s only been a few days since we…. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh Ethan….” Gabe said feeling his heart break in two. “Ethan, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life but wouldn’t you be more happier being honest with yourself and the people around you?”
“So what? You see us getting married? Moving in together and getting a dog or something?” Ethan said cruelly. “I’m supposed to bring you home to my mother and tell her that you’re the man I love?”
Gabe let the hurtful words wash over him and felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He took a breath and tried to calm himself and control his feelings.
“I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about you. If you’re not gay, then fine. Go be happy with someone woman your parents pick out or find one for yourself. But if you are, then you’re not going to be happy till you find the love of a man. Whether that’s me or not doesn’t matter.” Gabe said and opened the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to work.”
“Get in, I’ll drive you.”
“I think that we both need a little space at the moment. You need to figure out who you are and I just need some time alone. I’ll walk back. Bye, Ethan.”
“Gabe!” Ethan called as Gabe shut the door and walked off. Ethan watched Gabe walk away for a while before slamming the truck into drive and taking off.
Gabe wasn’t walking long before he felt someone walking next to him. He turned his head and saw God walking beside him.
“Ethan’s parents are trying to make him get married to a woman.”
“Some people feel they can make another person’s decisions better than they can. Sometimes it comes from a good place and sometimes it doesn’t.” God answered.